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一哥们去女网友空间闲逛。 突然发现一相册需要密码，相册名为“我的裸照”，密码提问是“叫声妈就给你看”。 这丫立马猥琐地敲了个“妈”字，还真的通过了。 打开一刹那，哥们泪流满面，里面就一个大大的字“乖”

为什么月亮常常看起来心情不好？ 因为它总有“阴晴圆缺”，情绪不稳定！

为什么鱼很擅长唱歌？ 因为它们有海豚音！

为什么兔子们经常去健身房？ 因为他们想要练出“兔”肌！

为什么数学书总是最不开心的？ 因为它总是有很多问题！

为什么电脑永远不会感冒？因为它有“Windows（窗户）”，但永远不开。

为什么袜子总是只丢一只？因为丢两只根本就不会发现。

两颗番茄在走路，突然一颗被车撞了，另一颗番茄说：“哎呀，番茄酱！”

印第安人来问他们的酋长，“今年冬天冷不冷？”酋长也吃不准，但也不好直说不知道，就说：“肯定很冷，大家要多准备过冬用的劈柴。”于是大家就都去准备劈柴。 酋长是个认真负责的人。一个星期之后，他跑到电话亭里打电话给国家气象服务中心，问：“今年冬天冷不冷？”气象中心的人说：“冷得很。”酋长这才放心，回来后又通知了他的子民一遍：“要多准备柴火过冬。”又过了一星期，酋长有点不放心，又给气象中心打电话，被告知：“非常非常冷。”酋长再次通知子民加大准备柴火的力度。两个星期后，酋长又打电话，被告知：“非常非常非常冷。”酋长急忙通知子民要把收集柴火当头等大事来抓，尽一切努力收集柴火。3个星期以后，酋长再次打电话，气象中心的人用极其肯定的语气说：“可以肯定地说，今年的冬天将是有史以来最冷的冬天，因为我们看见印第安人正疯狂地收集柴火。 作者：王洪波 链接：https://www.zhihu.com/question/27092362/answer/49346325 来源：知乎 著作权归作者所有。商业转载请联系作者获得授权，非商业转载请注明出处。

It is a universally accepted truth that a single man with wealth must want a wife... No matter how little is known about the feelings or opinions of such a person when he enters a community for the first time, the fact is so strong in the minds of the families around him that he is considered to be the legal property of one of their daughters or another... "my dear Mr. Bennet," said his wife to him one day, "have you heard that Netherfield has been rented out at last?.. Mr. Bennet replied that he did not... "but it's true," she replied. "Mrs. Langer has just been here, and she told me all about it.".. Mr. Bennet did not answer... "Don't you want to know who took it?" His wife cried impatiently... "if you want to tell me, I have no objection to listening.".. There are enough invitations... Oh, my dear, you must know, Mrs. Lang said that Netherfield was taken away by a rich man from the north of England He came down on Monday in a horse-drawn carriage and a horse-drawn carriage to see the place and was so happy that he immediately agreed with Mr. Morris. He is going to get the house before Michael's Day, and some of his servants are coming to the house next weekend. ".. "what's his name?".. "Bentley.".. "is he married or single?".. "Oh! Single, honey, single, of course! A single, rich man. Four or five thousand pounds a year. What a good thing it is for our daughters... "how could this happen? What effect will this have on them?.. "my dear Mr. Bennet," replied his wife, "why are you so annoying! You know, I'm thinking of letting him marry one of them... "is that why he settled here?".. "Design! Nonsense, how can you say that! But there's a good chance he'll fall in love with one of them, so as soon as he comes, you have to visit him... "I don't think it's necessary to do this," he said. You and the girls can go or send them yourself, and it may be better, because you are as beautiful as any of them, and Mr. Bingley may like you best at the party... "Honey, you flatter me. I certainly had my own beauty, but I don't pretend to be anything special now. When a woman has five adult daughters, she should stop thinking about her beauty... In this case, women often don't have much beauty to think about... "but, my dear, when Mr. Bingley comes nearby, you must go and see him.".. "I assure you, this is much more than I promised.".. "but think of your daughters. Just think about what a big institution it would be for one of them. Sir William and Lady Lucas decided to go only for this reason, because generally speaking, you know, they would not visit the newcomers. Indeed, you must go, because if you don't go, it's impossible for us to visit him... "you must be too cautious." I'm sure Mr. Bingley will be very happy to see you. I will send you a few words to assure him that I sincerely agree with him to marry any girl he chooses. But I have to put in a good word for my little Lizzy... "I hope you won't do such a thing. Lizzy is no better than the others at all. I'm sure she's not half as beautiful as Jane, nor half as good-natured as Lydia. But you always favor her. "none of them is worth recommending," he replied... They are all as stupid and ignorant as other girls. But Lizzy is more alert than her sisters. ".. "Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own child like this?" You take pleasure in annoying me. You have no sympathy for my poor nerves... "you misunderstand me, my dear. I respect your nerves. They are my old friends. For at least twenty years, I have heard you mention them thoughtfully... Ah, you don't know what I've been through. ".. "however, I hope you can forget this and live to see many young people with an annual salary of 4,000 yuan move here.".. "even if twenty such people come, we will be useless, because you will not visit them.".. "Don't worry, my dear. When there are twenty people, I will visit them all.".. Mr. Bennet is such an eccentric, with a mixture of cheerfulness, sarcastic humor, implication and capriciousness, that 23 years of experience is not enough for his wife to understand his character. It is not so difficult for her ideas to develop. She is a well-informed, ill-informed woman. When she is dissatisfied, she thinks she is very nervous. The most important task in her life is to get her daughters married and to comfort her with visits and news...